was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize