I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
