Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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