I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
