Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
