after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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