Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
