but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.