i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.