everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
