ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.