i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.