You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The adults are the big ones right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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