Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
