you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
