He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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