just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
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Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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