Will you blow on my dice?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
