On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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