my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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