Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
