I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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