I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
