Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
