It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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