dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
