Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
