trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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