oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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