My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
