he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My bed smells like the plague
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