Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
