Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
