i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
