Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
