I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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