Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
