i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
