Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
