sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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