She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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