I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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