I think my fart just growled at me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
