I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
