6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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