Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
