please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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