There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
honey bunches of taint.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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