seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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