Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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