Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
