Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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