im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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