This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
