I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
