So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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