I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize