it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
