Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
