i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
