if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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