i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
