so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
