Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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