i was born a porn star she said
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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