I cannot find my penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize