She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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