based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
